remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
