can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
