She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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