So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize