like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
