I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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