I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
