i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize