There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
