Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
