So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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