chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
