Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
