I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
