dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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