There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize