Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
two words: eviction party
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
