...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He has the fingertips of a God
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
