Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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