At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
