that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
