I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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