OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
