You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
