Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
