I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
