Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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