Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize