Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize