The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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