wakey wakey hands off snakey
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
