so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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