I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
