drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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