I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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