hotel room ftw
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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