can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
