I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
