i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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