Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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