Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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