you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize