all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
