we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
