so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
