Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
