we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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