she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
