The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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