I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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