the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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