the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
