Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
