Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
