He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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