OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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