All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
