I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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