We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
