so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
