then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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