and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
