you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
