I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
