There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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