DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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