i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am mentally ready for anal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
