There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
