Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your tits are I can't wait for
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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