God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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