And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
