yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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