hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
