I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize