you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
