I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
