Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
