The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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