Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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