I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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