i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
