we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
