I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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