it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
