i just sold back the books i vomitted on
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
