I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
