he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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