My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
