I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
