and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
