There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
