I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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