it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
