We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
