i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
