why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
