Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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