he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
