He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
