I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
