were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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