did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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