New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
