I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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