I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
