Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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