Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
