life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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