How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
